Dreamy Memories
by fantasyfan
Summary: When Jonas's memories start to flow back to the Community, they come to a person he had close ties with - his sister. Now Lily must find a way to deal with the confusing dreams she can't share.


**Note:** Please read and review! Although it was written for school I rather like it, and I hope you do too. Let me know.

**Dreamy Memories**

"I felt sad today," Lily said without thinking. Immediately she wished she could take the words back. She had felt that way, and it was the evening sharing of feelings. But rules wouldn't let her say why she was sad. Her parents would inevitably ask. The rules wouldn't let her lie either.

"Why did you feel sad, Lily?" Mother asked, concern furrowing her brow.

Lily looked down at the table. "I'd prefer not to say," she muttered.

"But Lily," Father protested, "we can't help you resolve your feelings unless we understand them. Was it something to do with your bicycle?" After becoming a Nine the day before, Lily could ride around the Community by herself. Although she never should have been on a bike before then, Jonas had taught her before he left. She missed him terribly. As a runaway, it was forbidden to speak of him. No newchild would ever again be named Jonas. He was the cause of the complicated emotions she could not share.

"Yes," Lily answered, grateful for the opening, hoping her voice did not tremble. Lying was an awful violation of the rules, but it was her only option for now. _Is it a crime to avoid a bigger transgression by violating one rule? _she wondered. Not that it mattered; she was too far in now to tell the truth. So she continued, weaving a story she made up on the spot. "I was looking at the younger children and thinking how they must want their bicycles, and I thought that if bicycles were given out at, oh, Seven maybe, then the children would be happier but there would be too, many bicycles around, and that's why we can't give them out earlier, but the children might not know that, and they might envy those with bicycles, and I felt sad that I, on a brand new bicycle that was causing me so much happiness, I might be causing others pain." Well, the thought had occurred to her, so she was only halfway lying. Which, of course, still violated the rules. With a tremendous effort, Lily forced the guilty thoughts out of her mind and concentrated on what her father was saying.

"That might be true, but think about you how used to feel, Lily," he said, "If older children - and adults - didn't cause you pain, do you think you caused younger children pain now?"

Lily shrugged. "I guess not. So I won't be sad anymore." _Not about that, anyway_, she added to herself. As Lily's parents shared their feelings, she let her mind wander back to her brother.

She hoped he was safe, out there in Elsewhere somewhere. He had committed very serious crimes, but she could not make herself stop caring about him. All her life, hehad beenthere, comforting, caring, happy and helpful. His training to become the Receiver of Memory must have been very difficult to break him as it did.

But had it? Perhaps he had gained the necessary courage and wisdom to run away. He had even taken Gabriel. There was no mention of that, though; Gabriel would have been released anyway. What did it matter the means that took him Elsewhere? If only he'd been able to sleep without Jonas. If only Jonas wasn't selected for the position of Receiver. If only, if only…

Hearing her name jerked her back to the world. "To bed with you, Lily-billy," Father ordered cheerfully. "I'll be there in a moment to say good night."

"Yes, Father," Lily said as she rose and went to her bedroom. Fifteen minutes later, she was peacefully asleep.

She floated on a vast expanse of water, held up only by a strange construction of wood and metal. Looking upward, she saw tall branch-like structures reaching into the sky. Pale material hung from those, great squares of it. The sky itself was like nothing she had ever seen before. She had no words to describe it; it just was, different than anything she'd ever encountered, and more beautiful than anything she could imagine. It was somehow more vibrant than things in her life. Everything around her - the water, the strange construction that floated, the tall branches - had the same beautiful quality, but in a different way. The surface of the strange construction beneath her moved, up and down, side to side, and she struggled to stay balanced. It continued to sway, and a sudden, sharp heave jolted her awake.

Lily sat bolt upright in bed, sweating The dream was not at all scary. It had really been quite pleasant. What terrified her was the crazy knowledge she now possessed. She knew, with firm certainty which was based on absolutely nothing, that she had been sailing on a boat in the ocean, though she had never heard those words before. Even more important, she knew it somehow connected to her lost brother.

"Did you dream last night, Lily?" Mother asked at the morning meal.

Lily frowned. "Yes, but I can't remember it. I know it was very strange, but somehow it was wonderful, too."

"How interesting," Mother said. "I wonder what it could mean?" After some discussion, she gave the standard phrase. "Thank you for your dream."

At school, Lily could not concentrate on her classes. Her mind kept wandering to the fact that she had lied to her parents - twice! And certainly that was not a far step to becoming a habitual liar. _I will do what I must, _she vowed silently. _If I think of Jonas, I will lie so I do not speak of him. If the past two weeks are any indication, I will constantly be lying, but then I will tell other truths. I will do what is necessary._

Another dream came that night. This time, one child blew out fire on a cake placed in front of him, and the other children cheered. The same child opened packages the others gave him, rejoicing over each one. Bright lights flashed, and the instant before she was blinded by them, the child you everyone else honored looked at her, startling her into wakefulness.

Jonas's was the happy face that had turned to her.

Again, she lied at the morning meal, saying she had not dreamt at all. She did not lie to her friends at school, but acting natural seemed to be living a lie. During Volunteer Hours she paid so little attention that she very nearly did everything wrong. At least it would give her plenty of annoyance to talk about with her family.

And after that evening meal and sharing of feelings was over, after she was alone in her bed, another dream came. Waking up from a dream of speeding downward in cold, white fog, though she did not know how that was possible, Lily muttered sleepily to herself. Soon she was asleep again, greeted by another of the strange dreams. This one was not so pleasant.

Over the next week, the dreams came two and three a night, some happy, some fun, some horrible or terrifying. Lily tried not to think about them, but it was impossible. She knew they somehow connected to her brother, and she was determined to find that link. Every morning she lied about the dreams. The lying began to bother her so much that she made a drastic decision.

"I felt guilty," she declared at the evening meal. "I've felt guilty every day for a week." Before her parents could speak, she continued with the reason. "I've lied to you. I have had dreams, but they were so strange and different I could hardly describe them. And they scared me."

A long silence followed her announcement. Then, Mother, her lips compressed in a thin line, spoke. "What were these dreams about?"

"Oh, many things," Lily answered. "Events, I guess. But not events that ever happen - that ever could happen - here." Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "I couldn't tell you because somehow I know, though it seems impossible, that these dreams are connected to Jon-"

Father slapped the table, cutting her off. "What are you, girl, crazy! You know not to speak that name!"

"That's exactly the problem," Lily replied, a little more confidently. "That's what I just tried to say."

"Lily, you've just admitted a very serious breach of one of the most important rules in the Community," Mother said.

"I kn-" Lily started, but Mother held up a hand.

"I'm sorry, and I don't want to do this, but I think you must come to work with me tomorrow," she finished.

Lily was puzzled at first, but then she remembered where her mother worked. "Oh, no," she cried. "I-I'm only a Nine! Y-you can't send me to the Department of Law and Justice!" She looked at her mother's silently raised eyebrows. "Can you?" she whispered.

"Indeed I can," Mother answered. "And I will. I must do my job, Lily - I have no choice." Time seemed to stand still for a moment as the two stared at each other.

Abruptly, Lily rose and fled to her bedroom. There, she flung herself down and wept until the sweet release of sleep came to claim her. Another dream came with it, and Lily soon woke, begging to no one to leave her in peace.

The dreaded morning came all too soon. The morning meal was grim and silent. Lily feared the entire day would be much the same. She had a hard time forcing down the food. What could she possibly say in her own defense? She had admitted to the lying. If only Jonas were still here - but then, if Jonas were still here, she would not have lied in the first place. All she could do was hope, which she did fervently the entire ride to the Department of Law and Justice.

"Why, Marissa!" the clerk in the lobby exclaimed. "Is this your daughter?"

Mother nodded. "If you would excuse me. You might be able to chat later." With a faked smile that Lily knew was dangerous, she pushed past the clerk and into the main meeting room. Despite her fear, Lily found herself looking around, interested in what was there. She had never been here before, and likely - hopefully - would never be here again. Mother walked without hesitation up to the podium in the front of the room, motioning Lily to follow.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Department of Law and Justice in this Community, today I bring before you one who has confessed to a serious transgression: lying repeatedly. It saddens me to say that this child is my own daughter, and that she could not learn from the example of truthfulness I have always tried to set."_That's unfair, thought Lily. She's taking any possible blame off of herself. So I don't reflect on her parenting, do I? What about Jonas? Is she ignoring the fact that her other child committed an even more serious crime than repeated lying? I'll just bet she is, and of course no one can mention it._ She started to shake her head wryly, catching herself just in time_. And people wonder why Jonas ran away._

thought Lily. She started to shake her head wryly, catching herself just in time. 

"Honesty is one of the most important values in our community. Lying repeatedly not only violates the rules, but it has the ability to shake our system to its core, if done by enough people. That is why it must not be done by anyone. Children must learn early so they are in the habit of telling the truth, for habits are almost impossible to break. For good habits, this is a fortunate thing.

"But for habits like lying, or not cleaning up properly, or imprecision of language, it is an unfortunate thing. And we must push those who develop these habits to break them, in order to keep our community safe and a pleasant place to live."

Lily stared at her mother, shocked that she could betray her own daughter this way. Mother had set it up so to make Lily look bad, and she knew what she was doing. There was nothing Lily could say in her own defense. If anyone had to trap her this way, why did it have to be her own mother?

"Well spoken, Marissa," a male in the audience said. "But you have not told us what this little one lied about."

Mother - no, not Mother, Lily decided, for this Marissa was not the mother she knew - turned to Lily. "Would you like to tell them, Lily?"

Lily looked directly out at the people sitting, watching. "I said I didn't have any dreams, but I did. They were strange and wonderful, some of them, and some were strange and terrible, but they were all indescribable. How could I speak of such dreams at the morning dream telling? There were no words for them. There still aren't. And I'm firmly convinced, though I don't know why, that they were connected to something forbidden. That is why I had to lie."

"How old are you, Lily?" someone asked.

"I am a Nine," she answered. "I just received my bicycle." She couldn't help a smile when she said that.

"Too young for Stirrings," someone muttered. The audience all started talking, and Lily could not make out any of what they were saying. After a few minutes, an old man in the back stood up. Lily gasped. The Receiver! What was he doing here?

"Quiet, please," he said mildly. Everyone obeyed instantly. "It seems to me that this young one has only violated the rules because she has been blessed." Confused murmurs broke out. Lily didn't understand either. "Blessed with the wisdom not to violate other rules," he continued, "and blessed with something else, something very, very, special, that until now only the Receivers have seen." Lily gaped, realizing the implications.

"B-but I can't - "she said, not sure how it would have finished.

"Quiet," the Receiver ordered. Lily clamped her mouth shut. "You all, of course, know that Jonas, the one who was in training to become the new Receiver, and this young female's brother, is no longer with us." People looked at each other as if they wanted to talk, but were scared to when the Receiver wanted quiet. "He carried with him memories - memories that have now begun to come to the people of the Community. Lily, I'd like you do to do something for me."

"What can I do for you, Receiver?" Lily asked respectfully.

"Place your hand on your mother's shoulder and remember one of the dreams. Marissa, close your mind and empty your thoughts," he instructed.

Lily obeyed, concentrating on the first dream, of the sailing. Shocked, she felt the memory of it drain out of her, pouring through her hand into her mother. When it was all gone, she looked back at the Receiver. "What did I just do?" she asked. "Sir," she added hastily.

"You transmitted a memory," the Receiver answered, smiling. "Marissa, do you see it now?"

Mother nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "It's so beautiful, and different."

The Receiver's smile grew. "Isn't it though? How can you, now, blame this child for lying about this? What could she have said?" Lily's heart overflowed with joy that the Receiver would help her by saying what she could not. "Lily," he continued, walking up to the podium, "come with me. We will go to my rooms, and we will talk. I will explain to your instructor."

"Thank you, Receiver,"Lily replied, trembling, though whether from fear or happiness she wasn't sure. She followed the old man out of the Law and Justice building, into the Annex behind the House of the Old. In his rooms, the Receiver looked at her for a long time, saying nothing. Then he stood up, switched something on the speaker, and spoke.

"We need to make a plan to get these memories all over," he said. "Will you help me if I help you?"

"You have a deal," Lily answered, very glad that for once she was telling the truth.


End file.
